


Coming Home

by alphabot, exohousewarming



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 16:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12325080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphabot/pseuds/alphabot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/exohousewarming/pseuds/exohousewarming
Summary: Prompt number:83Side Pairings (if any):-Warnings:Minor Character Deaths, Physical DisabilitySummary:When Kyungsoo receives word that his brother died, he finds himself returning to the place he’d been running from for five years. He intended to quickly settle things and go back to the life he’d built far away from the dreams he’d once had. But confronted with the man he’d left behind and a reality that isn’t what he’d thought it was, Kyungsoo must answer the question, is it ever too late to come home?





	Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> **Author Note:** Dear prompter, you gave me a simple picture (http://kyungporn.tumblr.com/image/139323673613) and told me to have fun. I think the exact opposite happened. I have never been more challenged and frustrated by both a fic and my writing skills. It was a fight to the end, but it’s completed, and of that I'm proud of at least. The domestic parts kind of got lost in the process so it’s probably nothing like you thought it would be, but I hope you like it.

Kyungsoo stepped out of his black rental and into the blistering late afternoon heat. It’s been years since he was last here, but it looked much the same. The neighborhood ajusshis were still gathered at the benches on the corner. They had eyed his car as he passed by and they were eyeing him right now as well, suspicious of not only a stranger but of his demeanor as well. Their instincts are telling them “cop,” and they’re not too far off base. Kyungsoo let himself smile. It's good to know that some things never change.

He worked his gaze over the street, his mind assessing the safety of it automatically. His brain told him there were too many spots where someone could be hiding, but his heart knows that other than maybe a few kids playing hide and seek, this was probably the safest place he's been in for years. Safer even than back at headquarters.

Still, even it was safe, it sure was hot. He loosened his tie and undid his top two buttons as he finished his perusal of the neighborhood. A part of him thought it was interesting, that barely even ten minutes back here and he was already shedding his hard-won military persona. He's never have done that before, not even when he’d returned to base and the apartment that passed as home for him. But there was something about being back here that gave him a sense of comfort that he'd been missing for a long time. Somehow, he slipped back into who he was before, as if he were putting on a well-worn and familiar jacket.

Goyang, the town where he'd grown up in. He once thought he'd never leave this place, and yet he's been running from it for the last five years. He'd still be running from it if it wasn't for his brother. His brother, who had passed away some five months ago; Seungsoo had been all the family he'd had left in the world, and even if they hadn't spoken to each other in years, he'd always been comforted by the fact that he was somewhere out there, living his life on his own. And now he wasn't.

He reached into the inside pocket of his suit and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Then, thinking that he might as well just shed his cool and collected persona completely, he shrugged out of his jacket as well. He didn’t do it as graceful as he'd hoped, and his jacket ended up on the ground. “Shit,” he muttered.

As he bent down to pick it up - yet another way this place has made him forget his training, he'd actually bent over instead of crouching - he registered the presence of someone walking up behind him. His training told him to ready for an attack, but he told that side of himself to quiet. The only thing dangerous in the neighborhood was probably him. Him and that mangy cat he'd seen a few blocks away. He straightened and turned around to look at the newcomer

And then suddenly it was as if he was in a movie. Everything faded away, the noise and the background, it all disappeared until all he could see is the man standing before him. Beat up grey shoes, threadbare jeans, a white top, brown jacket, hair dyed box-from-the drugstore brown. And even if he was clutching a paper bag to his chest, it wasn’t large enough to hide two very important things. First was the prominent bulge of pregnancy under the bag. And above it, the face of someone Kyungsoo knew very well. His face reacted before he could even think to control it, surprise filling his features and a cry of shock leaving his lips.

“Chanyeol?” he stuttered out.

Chanyeol, the reason why Kyungsoo had hightailed it out of here five years ago without a word and never looked back.

He was supposed to be happy. Back then he'd always been happy, his face constantly wearing a smile. But right now, the look on his face is anything but happy. In fact, Kyungsoo was having a hard time figuring out what Chanyeol's expression was. It could be a number of different things. But happy, it definitely was not.

 

  
_Two weeks previously:_  
Kyungsoo sat back down on his hospital bed. He was itching to get out of there, get back out in the field. But his doctor was currently being an asshole and refusing to release him. As it was, he’d already spent three weeks being imprisoned in the hospital. But most stab wounds only took an average of ten days to heal up, a fact that Kyungsoo knew from more firsthand experience than he cared to admit. He might have been just a tad bit in denial about the seriousness of his wound, but Yixing was the best of the best, and he’d patched Kyungsoo up so well that he could have been released last week.

He let out a sigh of frustration as he fell back on the bed, softly so as not to aggravate his shoulder. What the hell was their problem? He was perfectly fine to be released. If anything, it was the fact that they were keeping him here against his will that was the cause of his pain.

The door to his room opened and Kyungsoo instantly sprang up, years of conditioning instantly bringing all five of his senses into alertness.

“Relax D.O.,” said Yixing. “It’s just me.”

“I’d relax better if you let me out of here.” Kyungsoo said.

“All in due time,” Yixing said. He crossed over and raised his stethoscope from where it hung around his neck. “Let’s see how my favorite Sergeant is doing today, shall we?”

Yixing proceeded to check Kyungsoo’s vitals. For a doctor, he narrated very little about what he was doing, but then again, he and Kyungsoo had done this dance countless times over past five years. They both knew the steps by heart.

Yixing had been the doctor who’d given him his first physical when Kyungsoo had arrived at basic training. And he’d been the one to patch him up after that first altercation with Chen that had put both of them on the radar of Suho. In fact, over the years, Kyungsoo and Yixing had continued crossing paths many times, their assignments bringing them into each other’s orbits so often that some of his men had started a pot on when he and the handsome doctor were going to make it official. If they only knew that it wasn’t Kyungsoo that the good Doctor Zhang had his eye on, but rather an officer of slightly higher rank.

His normal routine done, Yixing proceeded to peel Kyungsoo’s shirt - he absolutely refused to wear one of those hideous gowns - off of him to get a look at the stab wound. He did so efficiently, no wasted movement or energy, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but be curious at how much practice the doctor had at getting men out of their shirts. He wondered if Yixing would ever find the courage to use it to make a move on the object of his affection, because Lord only knew when the Captain was going to stop being so oblivious.

Yixing ran his fingers gently over the wound, using his other hand to move Kyungsoo’s arm through a series of motions to watch how it responded to the activity. The wound had healed nicely, and while there will always be a scar, it’s nowhere near the ugly mark that it could have been had Yixing not been the one to stitch him back together. But still, Yixing, continued with his silent observation of the scar.

“What is it?” Kyungsoo asked, earning a confused sound from the good doctor. But Kyungsoo knew Yixing’s vitals-checking routine almost as well as he knew how to clean his gun, and there was hesitance in today’s routine. Something was on the doctor’s mind. “You’re stalling. Just tell me what it is, Doc.”

Yixing’s eyes flitted up briefly, the slightest of eye contact, but it was enough for Kyungsoo to confirm his suspicions. Still, Yixing didn’t give in. He merely drew back and handed Kyungsoo his shirt back so he could put it on by himself. “Sometimes you’re much to observant for your own good.” Yixing said in a tone that conveyed both admiration and annoyance.

“Comes with the job,” Kyungsoo said. He tried to shrug with the statement, but the movement pulled his shoulder wrong and he ended up wincing instead. “So, when are you letting me out of here?”

“So you can waltz right back into the field and undo all the hard work that I’ve done?” Yixing said, half joking and half serious.

“I’m fine, Lay,” Kyungsoo said with a smile of his own.

Back when he and Chen were first starting out in the unit, there’d been a mission that required someone who knew the local language. The good doctor had been the closest they could find at short notice, even if his security clearance wasn’t exactly up to par. The mission had been a success, despite a few very, very close calls. Yixing had performed spectacularly and proven himself level-headed through it all. His call sign during the operation had been Lay, and Kyungsoo found himself one of the few who continued using it. It was a reminder of what they'd overcome together, a term of familiarity and friendship.

But for some reason, the use of familiar term today caused the smile on Yixing’s face to freeze and small look of pain came and went before the doctor managed to slip into what Kyungsoo had dubbed his “doc face”. The movement made Kyungsoo take a mental step back. Something really wasn’t right, he thought. But what could it be? He was healing just fine, wasn’t he?

He was just about to ask Yixing to spit it out and get it over with when the door to his room opened. Kyungsoo looked over to see his superior walk in, but not before noticing the look of relief on Yixing’s face.

Capitan Kim Joonmyun, call sign Suho, strode into the room with all the commanding presence of a five-star general. He’d been the one to recruit Kyungsoo. Everyone had thought him crazy. The unit housed the best of the best. Respect and loyalty was something that had to be earned through proof out in the field. They didn’t like it when the General had practically parachuted Joonmyun into command of the unit fresh out of officer training school with his fancy college degree. He certainly didn’t earn any favors by recruiting Kyungsoo and Chen just out of basic training either. But he’d proven himself more than capable of the command, even fighting tooth and nail himself to free Chen from being held hostage two years previously.

“How’s he healing, Doc?” Joonmyun asked

Kyungsoo tried to answer in his stead. “I'm perfectly fine, Sir,” he said. “There's no reason for Lay to be keeping me here.”

“I asked Dr. Zhang, not you, D.O..”

Kyungsoo huffed out his annoyance, but stopped himself from answering further. It was never a good thing to be on Suho’s bad side.

“His body’s healing fine, Sir.” answered Yixing. “Should be back to normal in no time at all.”

Yixing’s word choice stood out. His body, but not his whole self. Kyungsoo didn't like where this was going. He'd had a psychological evaluation done two weeks ago, standard procedure after coming back in from the field. He'd thought he'd passed that as well, he hadn't answered the questions any differently than he normally did.

“What's going on?” Kyungsoo asked, proud of the way his voice was sure and steady despite the growing concern within him.

A pause settled over the room, and the way that Yixing’s eye flickered over to Joonmyun only deepened the feeling of dread building within Kyungsoo. They couldn't take him out of the field, he was a good soldier, a damn good soldier and Joonmyun know it too. Kyungsoo would fight his way out of this damn hospital if he had to. “Don't you dare withhold information from me, Suho. I thought we were friends.”

Friends wasn’t the most accurate of descriptions, but how did one describe what they were? They were certainly more than just co-workers. Regularly putting your life on the line and having no choice but to place your faith in your teammates had a way of making that happen. They were comrades. They were brothers in arms. For that very reason, Joonmyun’s anger when he answered was likely justified, even if it did catch Kyungsoo off guard in the moment.

“Exactly, D.O.,” the Captain snapped. “Friends don’t withhold information from each other. Not in our line of work. Sure, we may bluff, down play, and avoid topics. But we don’t outright lie to each other.”

“I haven’t lied to you, Sir,” Kyungsoo protested. He did a quick review of the last operation they’d done. It had been a little sloppy, but he was certain he’d reported the events that had taken place accurately. He might have labeled the reason for his distraction and thus resulting injury as “just a conversation,” but posturing (and flirting) were commonplace during missions. And Suho knew what he and Kai sometimes got up to in order to help pass the time.

“No, you’re probably right. You didn’t lie because you didn’t say a damn word at all.” Joonmyun shouted. He would have continued to shout were it not for a gentle touch on his arm from Yixing reminding him of where he was.

Kyungsoo watched as his Captain took in deep breaths to calm himself. Five, ten, a full thirty seconds passed before Joonmyun seemed to get himself under control. “Five years, D.O.,” he finally said. His volume was back to normal, but there was no mistaking the controlled anger within his words. “We’ve known each other for five years. I thought you trusted me, if not as a friend then at least as your superior. But it seems I was mistaken.”

“I do trust you,” Kyungsoo said.

“Then why did it take a call from Jongdae to for me to learn that you had a brother?”

Kyungsoo was stunned. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t seen, spoken, or had any contact with his brother in five years. Not since the day that he’d walked away and left everything behind. He hadn't even left any contact information, not an address or phone number. How had his brother even found him? And why?

“Is he okay?” Kyungsoo asked. Even if it had been years, they were still brothers.

Joonmyun glanced over to Yixing for a moment, as if he were looking for support. The knot in Kyungsoo’s stomach only tightened. Then Joonmyun answered him, and then it felt as if he couldn’t even breathe.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo,” he said. “Your brother passed away.”

 

  
Awkward. That was how Kyungsoo had to label the experience of spending his first night in the house he'd spent his adolescence in after five years. Actually, awkward didn't even begin to cover it, but his brother had been the one in the family who had a way with words. Words and Kyungsoo seemed have more of a love-hate relationship. They always seemed to abandon him when he needed them most. Perhaps that was part of why he enjoyed serving in the military. They were concerned with actions and results, not so much the words. And when they were required, someone else like Suho was there to come up with them.

But this wasn't something that his commanding officer could deal with. This was Kyungsoo’s life. His personal life. And in this particular battlefield he was the one in command, the general so to speak. He had to man up and deal with what needed to be dealt with.

That meant not hiding out in the bathroom and going out there to face Chanyeol. Face his past, and the reason he'd left everything behind.

Kyungsoo splashed his face one last time with water and took a final look at his reflection in the mirror. Man up, he told himself yet again. Do what you need to do so you can get back to the field. With that, Kyungsoo turned and exited the bathroom.

The house wasn't that big, just a simple two-bedroom one that wasn't much larger than an apartment would be. It had been all that his brother had been able to afford after their parents had died back when Kyungsoo had still been thirteen. Most of the small inheritance that their parents had managed to leave behind had been eaten up by legal fees and various debts, but it had been enough to buy the house outright without a mortgage. Kyungsoo always thought it was because the house had needed a lot of work. Looking around as he made his way to the kitchen, Kyungsoo couldn't help but see that it still did. Exhibit A was that the toilet no longer flushed. Kyungsoo had had to use to a bucket to clear it out this morning. And unfortunately, it seemed like that wasn't the only thing the years had added onto the list.

Kyungsoo had offered to spend the night at the motel, the only one in the small town. But Chanyeol refused to let him do that. The house was, after all, legally Kyungsoo’s now, so how could he go and spend money on a room when there was clearly an open bed here at the house?

That had led to the surprisingly painful task of deciding who was sleeping where. Chanyeol had offered him his old room back, but when he’d led Kyungsoo to the room, he’d only needed one glance inside to realize that his old room was now Chanyeol’s room. It wasn’t what he’d expected, but then again, Seungsoo had always tended to be old fashioned in his ideals. The lack of a ring on Chanyeol’s hand was all that Kyungsoo needed to explain the situation away. But whatever the reason, Kyungsoo could hardly kick a pregnant man out of his own room. He was going to say that he would just sleep in his brother’s room, but the look of distress that filled Chanyeol’s face as he was about it say it made him back track. And so, he’d spent his first night home sleeping on a lumpy couch, despite the presence of perfectly acceptable and empty bed.

Reaching the kitchen, Kyungsoo took a seat at the small table where Chanyeol had laid out breakfast. The table was set for one. “You’re not going to eat?”

Chanyeol paused in his washing of the few dishes he’d dirtied in preparing breakfast. “No, I’m not really hungry right now.”

“Morning sickness?”

“No,” Chanyeol went back to his cleaning. “That hasn’t really been too much of a problem, thankfully.”

“That’s good to hear,” Kyungsoo said, and then the house fell silent, only the sounds of dishes being washed and Kyungsoo’s chopsticks moving filling the air. With no conversation to distract him, it wasn’t long before he finished. He had to admit, he was pretty impressed with what Chanyeol had managed to do with a few simple ingredients. His skills in the kitchen had improved greatly from the days when he could barely boil water. He stood and brought his plate over to the sink. “When are you due?” he asked, trying to find a way to slide back into the easy banter he and Chanyeol had once had.

Too bad it didn’t seem Chanyeol that was trying to match his efforts. His reply was soft and short, little more than the minimum required to answer the question. “Two months, I think.”

“Do you know what you’re having?”

Chanyeol shook his head. He looked so lost and unsure of himself, and Kyungsoo knew that his return had only added to those feelings. He found himself wishing he’d done things differently, that he’d found the words to resolve things instead of running away. Maybe then this wouldn’t be so difficult for Chanyeol. He must be feeling so alone now that Seungsoo was gone.

“Did Seungsoo know?” he asked.

Chanyeol looked up to look right at him. So many emotions came and went in his eyes, and he was quiet for so long that Kyungsoo almost thought he wasn’t going to get an answer. But eventually it came, even if it seemed like Chanyeol was fighting not to fall apart as he said it. “No,” he answered. “I didn’t figure it out until it was too late.”

Well damn, Kyungsoo thought. He didn’t know what to say to that. “Chanyeol, I…” he started, but nothing came to him to finish the thought.

It didn’t matter anyway. Moments later, Chanyeol apologized and made a hasty retreat to his room and closed the door. If there had been a lock on the door, Kyungsoo had little doubt he would have heard it sliding into place.

“Shit,” he breathed out as he fell into a chair at the table.

Every so often, Kyungsoo would think about what could happen when he returned home. He’d imagined it a hundred different ways. Sometimes there was anger, sometimes were there tears, but he’d never imagined this. Never once had he imagined that Seungsoo would die before they ever got a chance to talk about it.

Kyungsoo found himself regretting the way he’d left. He should have made an effort to come home and clear the air between them, or at least called and talked to him. But instead he’d clung to his stubborn pride and his brother had probably died blaming himself when he’d done nothing wrong, not knowing that it was Kyungsoo who deserved all the blame for things falling apart. It was Kyungsoo who had messed things up. And now it was too late. Seungsoo was gone, and Kyungsoo had lost not only his brother, but his father figure as well.

But Chanyeol had lost so much more, and Kyungsoo couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was going through. No wonder Chanyeol hadn’t looked happy when he’d first seen him. How could he be? No wonder he looked tired, as if he worked too many hours doing a job that didn’t pay enough. No wonder he looked too skinny, despite being seven months pregnant. Sure, there was a baby bump, but the size just didn’t seem right.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel for Chanyeol. He’d have to be completely heartless not to. Not only had he once been his best friend, but he’d also been the man of his dreams. But that door was closed, and had been for a long time.

As Kyungsoo gathered up his things to leave for the day, he couldn’t help but wonder. Had the door even been open in the first place?

 

  
Kyungsoo was glad that the lawyer handling his family’s estate wasn’t in Goyang but in the next town over. The drive gave him a chance to clear his head and think things through. Yes, things weren’t as he’d expected, but he’d left this place and this life behind. He was proud of the man he’d become, proud of the work he did every day. It was dangerous and sometimes lonely, but he saved lives. He wasn’t the same person who’d left here. Back then he’d been a boy, now he was a man. He no longer wanted the same things anymore.

Running into Chanyeol had been a given, but he'd thought circumstances would be different. There was something about the way that Chanyeol looked tired and weary, the way the house looked run down. Things just didn't add up. Chanyeol had been going places, and his brother had been more than capable as well despite the setbacks fate had dealt him. Yet as much as Kyungsoo had wanted to ask Chanyeol about it all, he hadn't gotten the opportunity. After a quick and simple dinner, Chanyeol had spent the night holed up in his room, no doubt avoiding him. Kyungsoo should have probably felt a little annoyed about it, but he'd actually been grateful for it. He hadn't been ready to talk about what was left between them either.

He didn't think he'd ever be ready, really. And as much as their dance of avoidance in the kitchen that morning had been uncomfortable, a part of him hoped he and Chanyeol would be able to continue it until Kyungsoo got things settled and was once again back in the safety of the field. Then he'd-

His cell phone rang, intruding on his thoughts.

“It’s me,” he said once he’d put it on speaker. He didn’t bother looking at who was calling him. There weren’t very many people who had his number, so the list of who it could be was short. Not to mention, four out of five times it was usually the same person.

“How are you doing?” Joonmyun’s voice rang out loud and clear.

“I'm fine, Sir,” he answered. “Just got in last night. The place hasn't changed at all.”

“Such places rarely do.”

Kyungsoo gave a hum of acknowledgement. “I'm on my way to the lawyer’s now. It shouldn't take me long to settle everything. I'll be back by early next week at the latest.”

Suho let out a sigh. “We already discussed this, Kyungsoo. Take as much time as you need. You have five years’ worth of leave stored up. Get things settled and ease up on the physical activity. God knows Dr. Zhang will appreciate that.”

“I’m fine, Sir,” Kyungsoo replied. He was unable to hide the annoyance in his voice, and Joonmyun was astute enough to hear it through the phone.

“Don’t you, ‘I’m fine, Sir’ me Kyungsoo. Do what you need to do, and do it properly.” Some muffled rumblings sounded as Joonmyun talked to someone else on his end of the phone before he came back on the line. “I have to go. I’ll check in later.”

With that the line went dead before Kyungsoo could say that he didn’t need to be checked on. But that was how Joonmyun was, the mothering type. When he’d first joined the unit, Kyungsoo had fought against it long and hard. But Joonmyun was a force to be reckoned with, hence his call sign, Suho, which me more than earned.

At least the phone call had lasted long enough for him to arrive at his destination. He pulled into a parking stall in front of the quaint building with a storefront that looked more like an old-time corner store than a law office. He got out and leaned against the car for a moment, taking the time to smoke a bit to calm his nerves. He only used it to calm himself every now and then. Joonmyun always threw a fit when he smelt it on Kyungsoo, but the look of judgement that Chanyeol had given Kyungsoo when he’d attempted to light up earlier in the day had made him feel twice as guilty as his commanding officer ever made him feel.

There was only one left in the box. Usually that was his clue to buy another one, even if it sat unused for a few months. Like any good soldier, Kyungsoo liked to be prepared. But it just went to show how just how much influence Chanyeol still had on him, for he knew that he wasn’t going to be buying another pack anytime soon. Five years and Chanyeol still made him do things.

When the cigarette was done, Kyungsoo put it out. And then, for no reason that he could think of, he tossed the box and last remaining one into the trashcan outside the front door of the lawyer's office as he stepped inside. The bell over the door rang to announce his presence.

“One moment,” a voice called out from the back room. There was a desk in the small reception area, but no one was sitting at it, nor was there anyone else in the room. His practiced eye took it all in quickly. Something about the layout of the place seemed to say that it had been a dentist’s office before being converted to a law office.

True to the time estimate called out, Kyungsoo didn’t even have time to walk over to the waiting area and take a seat before a man a little taller than him appeared in the doorway. He had a boyish face made all the more brighter by the easy smile he wore, but his eyes said that he was older than he looked.

“Hi,” he said, crossing and offering his hand for Kyungsoo to shake. “Sorry for the lack of a proper greeting. My secretary’s son has the stomach flu. I’m Kim Minseok, lawyer, notary public, accountant, and probably whatever else you need me to be.”

“Do Kyungsoo.” The handshake was firm, but the moment Kyungsoo gave his name, Minseok’s grip tightened just ever so slightly.

To the lawyer’s credit, his face gave away no change in expression. “You’re a hard man to get in contact with, Mr. Do,” was all Minseok said.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo replied. “I’ve been away for a long time. And please, call me Kyungsoo.”

Minseok nodded his head, and beckoned Kyungsoo to follow him. “Why don’t we sit down, I’m afraid we have a lot to discuss.”

Kyungsoo didn’t like the tone in Minseok’s voice. Why did it feel like he’d been gone a lot longer than just five years? He was beginning to feel as if he didn’t even know this place anymore.

 

  
The drive home was a complete blur for Kyungsoo, everything happening on automatic. Thinking back about it, he should have been embarrassed. He’d never once lost focus in all his missions before. With all the crazy and gut wrenching things he’d seen over the past five years, it was mere words recounting the events he’d missed back home that sent his mind reeling.

Kyungsoo had gone into the meeting thinking that he was just going to be wrapping up the family estate, a quick and easy process. He couldn’t have been more mistaken. The papers that Minseok had laid out on the table had told a story that Kyungsoo couldn’t believe. Bills and back taxes that totaled to many thousands of dollars, letters from debt collectors that threatened to take his brother to court, and other various correspondence that didn’t make sense to Kyungsoo.

Minseok had been talking, but he must have figured out that Kyungsoo hadn’t been listening for he’d eventually fallen into silence and just let the papers tell the story for him. A story of debt and suffering that didn’t just didn’t add up.

“I don’t understand,” he’d said when he’d finally skimmed through as many of them as he could stand. “The house was paid for free and clear with the money from my parents. There was no mortgage, why is the bank foreclosing on the house?”

Minseok’s face had drawn into one of pity, and maybe even anger. He took in a deep breath, seeming to steel himself to give Kyungsoo bad news. And bad, it was. “Your brother was involved in a work accident. It was just a little over four years ago. He was mostly paralyzed from the waist down.”

For the second time in weeks, Kyungsoo had felt his world shatter yet again.

 

  
Kyungsoo had come home from his meeting with Minseok in a stupor. Instead of leaving with everything settled, he’d asked the lawyer for a few days to take everything in and think about his next move. Minseok had been understanding, and said he’d do the best he could to hold off the creditors as best as possible. But this was a problem that had been in motion for almost as long as Kyungsoo had been away. There was only so much he could do.

But what really made Kyungsoo angry was that not only had the company Seungsoo had been working for tried to pin the entire incident on Seungsoo, but they had gotten away with it somehow. They had managed to convince a judge that they didn’t have to pay anything because he was fault. Other than a small severance package, they hadn’t paid a cent.

Returning home, everything had started to make sense to Kyungsoo. The rundown state of house that had once looked lovingly lived in. The multitude of little projects that had probably been added to a list of things to do that was just too long or filled with other more important things. The Spartan way that the house was furnished with just the absolute necessities. How had Kyungsoo not noticed that there was no television in the living room as he lay on the couch last night?

He actually took stock of what was in the kitchen and realized that it was rather bare as well. That, at least, had been something that Kyungsoo had been able to remedy, so he’d rushed out to stock it properly. No wonder Chanyeol looked so small. Whether it was from stress or not being able to afford it, he wasn’t eating properly. Once everything was put away, Kyungsoo turned his attention to the last room of the house that he had yet to examine.

With heavy steps, he forced himself towards his brother’s room. He almost chickened out and backed away. But something Suho had said to him just before he’d left for home stopped him

“You’re one of the bravest people I know. I’ve seen you take five to one odds head on, run into the line of fire to distract the enemy. Hell, if Lay didn’t have to patch you up every mission or two I’d think you were a super powered alien from another planet. I remember the day I met you, scrawny little thing that refused to back down because you were so sure that Chen had been the one in the wrong. I don't know what happened to you before that day, but whatever it is. I think you’ve run far enough.”

The memory of those words from his commanding officer gave him the resolve to turn the doorknob and walk in. There was a wheelchair in one corner, crutches leaning against its folded frame. A chair for the shower was in another corner, the rusted legs explaining the marks Kyungsoo had seen in the bathroom that morning. Various other paraphernalia to his brother’s disability were scattered around the room.

There in a room that looked like it hadn’t been touched once in the five months since Seungsoo died, Kyungsoo saw hard evidence of the life his brother had led while Kyungsoo had been out risking his life for duty and honor. While Kyungsoo had faced horrors on the battlefield, his brother had faced a different kind of horror back home. And while Kyungsoo had just kept depositing his money into checks into his ever-growing bank account, Seungsoo had been slipping further and further towards losing it all, until eventually he had.

A startled gasp from the doorway alerted Kyungsoo that he was no longer alone. Looking down the hallway, Kyungsoo found Chanyeol standing there. Anger rose within him. How could Chanyeol not have said anything? Last night he may have been in shock, but surely in the light of morning he should have said something. Instead, Kyungsoo had walked into Minseok’s office blind.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I didn’t know what to say,” Chanyeol replied, voice all quiet.

“What is so hard about telling me that my brother had been in an accident? That he was paralyzed? You just say it. Hell, you were always talking my ear off before. You were always so loud and wouldn’t shut the hell up.”

Kyungsoo and words may not have ever gotten along, but if there was one thing that Kyungsoo had learned in the military it was how to hurt, and words were sometimes just as effective as a knife. He did that now, his anger adding force to his words, making them fly at Chanyeol as if they were bullets.

It was easy to see that they were having the intended effect. It was evident in the way that Chanyeol wrapped his arms around himself, the way that his hands fell to rest on his stomach, as if they were preventing the baby from hearing the hurtful words. It was clear in the pain in Chanyeol’s face, the tears that welled up and threatened to spill.

But they didn’t spill over. Chanyeol blinked them back furiously, and his reply was calm and even despite the storm Kyungsoo could see him holding back. “I’m not the same person I was before.”

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo said. Chanyeol’s refusal to respond to his anger in kind only made him angrier. “What the hell happened to him?” he shouted.

Chanyeol actually flinched at the question. For a moment Kyungsoo was almost certain he was going to shout back, “you.” But Chanyeol just stood there, his breaths deep and measured.

“I’m sure today has been a shock to you,” he finally said. “You’re still dealing with the news that Seungsoo died and then you find out all of this. I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out how to tell it to you myself.”

Kyungsoo didn’t reply back. He knew if he did it would still be full of anger. Sensing the conversation was done, Chanyeol turned to back out of the hallway. “I’ll start dinner,” he said.

Everything was all wrong. Seungsoo wasn’t supposed to be dead. He was supposed to be some doctor, teacher, lawyer, or whatever else he wanted to be. Kyungsoo had left so that he could finally be what he was born to be without Kyungsoo pulling him down. Kyungsoo had left so that his brother could be happy. Happy with Chanyeol.

And yet it seemed like fate had made sure that neither one had been happy. Kyungsoo was beginning to feel guilty.

No, he did feel guilty. Guilty and angry because hadn’t he sacrificed enough? And what could he do to fix it all?

Dinner that night was another wordless meal that both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo struggled to get through. The food was better, a testament to Kyungsoo’s shopping trip earlier. And Chanyeol’s plate and portion size told Kyungsoo that his professed lack of appetite earlier had probably had more to do with how little food he’d been able to afford than how much he could stomach. He probably hadn’t eaten that morning because he’d given Kyungsoo his food instead.

Afterwards, they somehow found themselves side by side doing the dishes. It had been an unconscious action on Kyungsoo's part. Chanyeol had cooked, so he got up to the do the dishes. It was the way they’d done it before he’d left. Not that they’d ever really stuck to that arrangement. And they didn’t stick to it now either. Just as he’d have done before, Chanyeol came to stand next to him to dry the dishes as Kyungsoo washed them. He probably hadn’t even thought about it either. Five years apart and old habits died hard.

For the first time in a long time, Kyungsoo wondered if this could have been his life had he stayed. How many nights might he and Chanyeol spent like this, working together? Once upon a time, he would have given anything for that to happen. God knows he and Chanyeol had gotten tons of practice when Chanyeol’s mother had assigned them kitchen duty almost every time Kyungsoo had eaten at their place. But then he’d seen Chanyeol and his brother that night and those dreams had died.

Speaking of Chanyeol’s mother, “Chanyeol, where are your parents? Yura?”

Chanyeol paused in his movements and stared intently at the plate he was drying. “The house next door caught fire,” he said. “It spread to ours. It was early in the morning, and they were sleeping.” The rest, he left unsaid.

Chanyeol set the plate down and tossed the towel he was using on the countertop before making another hasty retreat to his room. Kyungsoo was too stunned to go after him. He pulled a chair out from the dining table and sank down into it, burying his face in his hands.

“Fuck,” he said. Because that was all he could think of.

 

  
Despite the years that had passed since he’d left, they fell into a familiar if not slightly more complicated routine. Kyungsoo took over cooking breakfast so that Chanyeol could sleep just a bit longer every morning. Chanyeol no longer hid in his room, instead choosing to read a book in the kitchen or living room, whichever one Kyungsoo happened to be in at the moment. Sometimes he’d strum on a ukulele, the instrument looking small and almost out of place in his hands. Kyungsoo had wanted to ask where the large upright piano that had been in Chanyeol’s parents house had gone or where his guitar was, but with the way things were going he knew he wouldn’t like the answers he’d get.

During the day, Chanyeol would work at his minimum wage job at the general store. Having once had the job himself, Kyungsoo knew it couldn’t be easy for the pregnant man. But he wouldn’t be doing it for much longer anyway, and Kyungsoo knew that it was better that Chanyeol had something to occupy himself with right now. To fill his own time, Kyungsoo set about fixing what he could around the house. He fixed the toilet in the bathroom, the light switch in Chanyeol’s room, and the squeaking floorboard in his brother’s room.

The immediate issues taken care of, Kyungsoo worked with Minseok to square away his brother’s debts as best he could. In the beginning, they had all been medical in nature, resulting from his accident. But things had spiraled out of control from there. Between Minseok’s legal speak and Kyungsoo’s military commanding tone, they were able to negotiate things in their favor. The only one who wouldn’t budge was the tax department, they wanted every penny owed them. And while Kyungsoo had considerable funds at his disposal - having stashed away most of his checks and bonuses from the military - he didn’t have that much to just drop all at once. In the end, he and Minseok managed to work out a payment schedule that would settle everything.

By the end of the week, Kyungsoo had it all taken care of. If he stayed with his initial plan, he should be ready to pack up and head back to the unit. He’d see what mischief Kai was up to and together they'd steamroll Suho into getting them another mission. But his initial plan hadn’t counted on Chanyeol.

It had been Chanyeol who had stood by Seungsoo after the accident. Left without a family of his own, Chanyeol had dropped out of college and moved in. He’d been the one to see Seungsoo through the worst of it, help him find his way back to the land of the living. It had been money that Chanyeol’s family had left him that had paid those initial hospital bills. But that had only gone so far. Had he finished his degree he might have been able to find a better paying job. But with the demands of Seungsoo’s new found disability and the need for income, there had been no time for that. Chanyeol took whatever job he could. It just hadn’t been enough in the end.

Kyungsoo learned all of this in bits and pieces. Some of it through Minseok, some of it from the neighborhood ajusshis that slowly warmed up to him again, and some of it as he went through his brother’s belongings as he cleaned up his room. But most of it he learned through Chanyeol himself, snippets of memories that slowly revealed themselves in conversation.

Kyungsoo didn’t know why he’d thought it would be hard to see Chanyeol again. They had been best friends for so long that in the end, it was hard not to fall back into it. Sure, Chanyeol’s smile wasn’t as bright, and he was a little quieter. But underneath it all he was the same Chanyeol that Kyungsoo had originally fell in love with. And Kyungsoo could see why his brother had as well.

Now that Chanyeol was carrying his brother’s child, Kyungsoo couldn’t just leave him behind. He may not have done right by his brother, but he would spend the rest of his life making it up to his kid. That included dragging Chanyeol to see a doctor the moment he figured out that Chanyeol had never been to one because he didn’t have the money. It included taking over almost all the cooking duties to make sure that Chanyeol was eating well. And it included making plans for a future that once again included Chanyeol in them. But just when it seemed like everything was coming together, an errant phone call and an innocent kid derailed it all. 

“Chanyeol, did you take your vitamins today?” Kyungsoo called out from the living room.

“Yes, I took them this morning, right after you told me to,” came Chanyeol’s exasperated reply.

“Sorry, I just don’t want to sit through another one of Dr. Byun’s tirades again.”

Chanyeol walked into living room from the hallway. “Baekhyun means well.”

Kyungsoo scowled. “If he meant well he should have marched your ass into his office the moment he saw you were expecting. I don’t care if he thought you were seeing someone else. Who else is there to see in this town?”

Chanyeol’s reply was interrupted by a knock at the front door. And then, in a manner true to small towns everywhere that didn’t lock their doors, it was being pushed opened and their caller was walking in.

“Sehun,” Chanyeol said. “What are you doing here?”

Sehun was a young boy, probably no older than seven. Being a Saturday, his clothes showed evidence of the adventures he’d had earlier in the day, and his bare feet could use a bit of scrubbing. Kyungsoo had met the boy a few times, found it endearing the way he seemed to have a crush on Chanyeol. But it wasn’t the dirt Sehun brought in with him that would be the problem. It was the note he held in his hand.

 

“The bank called again,” he said as he held the note out for Chanyeol to take.

Chanyeol and Seungsoo hadn’t had a phone for a while, the expense proving more trouble than the convenience it paid for. Any time they’d needed to give someone a phone number, they’d used Sehun’s parents’ number. And it seemed like the bank had just called.

“My momma said something about them agreeing to the terms of the sale. Are you moving away, Yeollie? Are you leaving me?”

Kyungsoo sucked in a breath. He hadn’t told Chanyeol about his plans to sell the house and get them a fresh start somewhere else. He was waiting for the right time. But now it was too late.

Other than his own gasp of surprise at the news, Chanyeol betrayed no other emotion as he reached out and took the note from Sehun’s hand. He studied it for a moment before giving the kid a kind smile. “I have to live somewhere, Sehun.”

“You could live with me. Then I could be your Hunnie-boy forever!”

Chanyeol ruffled Sehun’s hair. “You’ll always be my Hunnie-boy, even when you’re all grown up and just as tall as me. Now run along home and go take a bath. You’re filthy.”

“Okay, Yeollie.” Sehun said with a bright smile. He gave Chanyeol a big hug and then turned to go back home. Right before he crossed the door he seemed to remember his manners and turned back around. “Bye, Mister SooSoo,” he said. And then he was gone without even waiting for Kyungsoo’s reply.

Kyungsoo turned back to look at Chanyeol. He was studying the note as if it held more than just a name and a number. Kyungsoo needed to say something, make this right. “Chanyeol, I…” Again, the words didn’t come to him.

Chanyeol raised his head to look him straight in the eye. “When were you going to tell me?”

“I was waiting for the right time.”

“Now seems like a good one.” The anger and rage that Chanyeol held was the most intense Kyungsoo had ever seen on the man. A part of Kyungsoo knew that his pregnancy had to be playing a part in it. But Kyungsoo also knew that Chanyeol had probably be holding it all back for a long time now. And now he had reached the tipping point.

“Chanyeol, I was going to tell you. I just didn’t want you to worry, what with the baby and all.”

“Oh, because it's better that I find out I’m going to be homeless the day of rather than give me a countdown.”

“You wouldn’t be homeless Chanyeol. You’d be with me. You and the baby. I’d take care of you.”

“And why would you do that?” Chanyeol shouted. “You could just walk away from me and be free and clear. Hell, you did that once before. Why can’t you do that now? Save us both the trouble of you doing it later.”

“I am not walking away from you, Chanyeol. Not now. That’s my niece or nephew you’re carrying. That’s my brother’s kid.”

“Now you care about him? Now that he’s dead and buried? Where were you the last five years, Kyungsoo? Where were you when he had his accident? Where were you when he needed to be carried into bed, when he needed someone to help bathe him? Where were you then?”

He didn’t even get the chance to respond before Chanyeol continued on.

“I’ll tell you where you were. You were out there playing hero. You were out there living it up. while your brother and I were going through hell. And now you think you can just waltz back in here and take what’s left and give it away? Did you even think about your brother just once while you were away? Did you ever think about me?”

“Of course, I did!”

“Sure, right between flirting with Lay and fucking Kai.” At Kyungsoo’s gasp of surprise Chanyeol let out a snort of air. “I heard you other day, on your phone.”

Kyungsoo knew he shouldn’t have put the phone on speaker. But his hands had been all slimy from the chicken he’d been cooking. Now Chanyeol probably thought he was a playboy when that wasn’t true. “It’s not what you think, Chanyeol. I mean, Kai and I have slept together a few times, but-”

“I think it’s exactly what I think,” Chanyeol said. The pregnant man’s emotions suddenly swung the opposite way. His anger left him and tears welled up and flowed unchecked from his eyes. “But I don’t know why I was expecting it to be any different. This place, your brother, me. We mean nothing to you. Why else would you just walk away from here? From me?”

“Because I wanted you to be happy. I wanted my brother to be happy. You deserve to be happy, Chanyeol.” It took everything within him not to raise his voice and start another shouting match. But he did it, for Chanyeol’s sake. “I knew that I could never compete with my brother. He was always smarter than me, stronger than me, better. He was exactly the type of person you deserved Chanyeol. So I left, because I could never stay here and pretend to be happy watching the two of you be together. I left so that you were supposed to be happy without me.”

“What are you talking about? Why are you comparing yourself to your brother?”

Kyungsoo didn’t understand Chanyeol’s confusion. “I saw you two. That night against the gate. I saw the two of you-”

Chanyeol’s cut him off. “You saw that?”

Kyungsoo nodded, two slow dips of this head as his answer.

Chanyeol gave him a with a sad, self-deprecating laugh. “I thought you left because of the fight we’d had that morning. I waited outside for hours for you to come home, to apologize. When you didn’t show, I imagined that something horrible had happened. I imagined so many different things. And then your enlistment notice came in the mail and I realized that you had walked away willingly. That you had walked away from me.”

It was hard for Kyungsoo to watch Chanyeol right then. He looked even more lost and hurt than he had when Kyungsoo had first come back. He reached out to try and offer him some comfort. But Chanyeol just pulled his arm away and took a step back.

“If you were there, if you saw us, then you’d have to know that I pushed him away, Kyungsoo. I turned him down because I wasn’t in love with him, Kyungsoo. I was in love with you. I thought...I had hoped that maybe you were in love with me too. But I guess I was wrong.”

Kyungsoo was stunned. It couldn’t have been true. Not with how well Seungsoo and Chanyeol could have fit together. But maybe… he hadn’t watched for long, he’d been too scared to do that. Maybe Chanyeol was telling the truth. But then, unbidden, Kyungsoo’s eyes fell to Chanyeol’s stomach. It was undeniable evidence that something had in fact happened between them. He latched onto it like a drowning man at a lifesaver. “You can’t tell me nothing happened. That’s his baby you’re carrying.”

Chanyeol’s face broke even more, and Kyungsoo almost didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Once,” Chanyeol said. “It was your birthday and I spent more money than I should have on beer. We were both caught up in our feelings and one thing led to another. But it wasn’t love, not the type that makes you want to spend the rest of life tied to someone.”

Silence settled between them for a moment, and Kyungsoo searched for something to say. “Chanyeol, I…”

But Chanyeol cut him off. “Your brother was a broken man after you left,” he said. “Even more so after his accident. Taking care of him, I guess it was nice having a purpose in my life after the fire. But how the hell did you think we would ever be happy without you?”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth, but again words failed him. Nothing would come out. How could they not have been happy? They were two perfect people who could only have been even more perfect together. Didn’t Chanyeol see that? Seungsoo was everything, while Kyungsoo was just the screw-up younger brother. But the words to say all of that wouldn’t come to him.

He went to grab his keys. He needed to get some air, some space. “I need to go for a drive, some space to think.”

It was soft, barely audible as Kyungsoo closed the door of the house. But Kyungsoo knew he heard it. “I’ll be here,” Chanyeol had said.

The fact that things seem to be repeating themselves never one occurred to him.

 

  
_Five years previously:_  
Today was a good day.

Correction, today was a great day. As long as he made it home before the rain started again.

Kyungsoo almost couldn't believe his luck. Some hotshot of a guy had been trying to impress a girl by taking his car down back-country roads that he had no business going down. He had probably been some chaebol heir, now that Kyungsoo thought about it. He had this naivety and cluelessness about him that said he was probably used to having everything done for him. Whatever the reason for his ignorance, he'd gotten his fancy car suck in a muddy back road and Kyungsoo had just so happened to come along on his beat up old bike.

He'd was on his way back from making a delivery to the Byun’s cabbage farm. Mr. Byun and his two sons were spending a week in the city to sell their crops leaving old Mama Byun too busy working the fields to pick the items up at the general store. It was a long way to make a delivery, but Kyungsoo hadn’t minded. He’d gotten two containers full of fresh kimchee and an afternoon away from the hot and crowded confines of the general store.

And then when he’d helped the guy get his car unstuck, he’d gotten a handsome reward for it too. The guy was either super generous or just really thankful that Kyungsoo stopped to help because he gave Kyungsoo an amount that was almost as much as he earned in an entire month from working every afternoon at the store. Kyungsoo barely had to get dirty either, he simply pulled out the floor mats from the car, placed them in front of the back wheels, and told the guy to press the gas slowly. But if the guy wanted to be generous, Kyungsoo wasn’t going to stop him.

He already knew what he wanted to spend it on. Besides the fried chicken he’d picked up for dinner, that is. His brother needed a new pair of shoes for a while now, but he’d always put off buying a new one, saying that they needed the money for Kyungsoo’s schooling instead. It had been a big blow to his pride that he hadn’t had the funds to send Kyungsoo to college when he'd graduated earlier in the year and he was determined that he'd have enough saved up by next year.

Kyungsoo tried to tell Seungsoo to stop worrying about him, to go back to school himself and start thinking about his own future again. Kyungsoo planned to work until he’d saved enough money to pay for college on his own. But his brother wouldn’t hear of it. He was determined to be a good hyung and raise Kyungsoo right. And that meant wearing the same pair of shoes every day, even if they were probably held together by more tape and glue than he’d care to admit to.

Reaching his neighborhood, Kyungsoo stood on the pedals of his bike and swung his foot over the rear wheel to come in for a landing. It had only taken him two days after moving in to learn that his street was too narrow, too crowded with clutter to successfully navigate it while still on his bike. It was safer to walk the last bit. Plus, the best place for him to park it was in fact at the corner, next to the light post. Everyone parked their bikes there. The neighborhood ajusshis all hung out on the opposite corner and kept watch on who used which bikes. With so many eyes, hardly ever did a bike go missing. And if it did, it didn’t take more than an hour to track down who had it. The ajusshi network knew almost everyone who lived in the town.

He came to a stop and leaned his bike against the fence, his kickstand having fallen off a long time ago. He picked up the fried chicken and Mama Byun’s kimchee and then took off down the street towards his home. Chanyeol was home for the long holiday weekend. He couldn’t wait to tell him what had happened. He wouldn’t believe it.

Chanyeol, the tall, gangly neighbor who had knocked on the door to his house the day he'd moved in to introduce himself. He was loud, way too affectionate, and such a happy guy. He had been more than Kyungsoo could bear so soon after his parents had passed away. But Chanyeol had clung onto him with a force that would not let go and miraculously wormed his way into his heart.

Somehow, someway they had become best friends. Their last year of High School they had even managed to become fuck buddies without their emotions making a mess of everything. But Kyungsoo was ready for more, the last few months apart from his best friend had proven it. He'd probably been in love with Chanyeol in some way, shape, or form from the day he'd first knocked on the door. They'd been each other’s first kiss, lost their virginities to each other, first everythings.

Still, he was a little afraid of making things between them official. He didn't want to tie him down, to be a drag on the boy. Chanyeol was going places. He was amazingly talented, always composing melodies and lyrics in his head. And all Kyungsoo had to offer was a few months’ savings in a minimum wage job. But this was Chanyeol. If there was one thing Kyungsoo knew, it was that something about them just felt-

The sight that greeted Kyungsoo when he turned the corner stopped him dead in his tracks. It made his blood turn cold and every emotion he felt seemed to suddenly disappear.

There against the gate to their house was Chanyeol. Chanyeol and his brother. Chanyeol and Seungsoo sharing a kiss.

It was mere seconds before Seungsoo was pulling away, and Kyungsoo immediately backpedaled, dipping back around the corner before either of them saw him. He sagged against his neighbor’s house, the memory of what he'd just seen replaying in his mind. It hadn't been long, but who knew how long they had kissing before Kyungsoo had arrived.

Chanyeol. And his brother.

He almost couldn't believe it. But then again, his brother was just as amazing as Chanyeol was. Who knew what he could have been had he not decided to stand by Kyungsoo after their parents had died. Did his brother like Chanyeol too? Had they had something all this time and Kyungsoo had just missed the signs? As much as he hated to admit it, they would make a good match.

He tried to fight it, but once the thought had surfaced. Kyungsoo couldn’t deny it. They be a better match than Kyungsoo and Chanyeol would ever be. The truth of that statement hit him like a brick wall, turned his mind and body numb.

He turned and just started walking. He had no destination in mind. He just walked, even after the rain had started to fall. Even after the sun set, he kept walking. He didn't remember dropping the chicken and kimchee, but he must have dropped it somewhere for some time during the night he got hungry and realized he didn't have them anymore.

Morning found him in a town familiar by name only. He took what was left of the money that the chaebol had given him and bought a bus ticket to Seoul. And once he got there, he walked straight into an army recruitment office and signed his life away.

And he hadn't looked back once.

 

  
Kyungsoo took another look at the apartment number before pressing the doorbell again. It was barely 6:30 in the morning, but Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly thinking about proper etiquette at the moment. He was about to press it a third time when the door suddenly opened a crack.

“Hi Jongdae,” he said.

“Kyungsoo,” came the shocked reply. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Daytime?” he answered with a shrug.

Jongdae let out a defeated sigh and opened the door all the way. “Come in.”

Kyungsoo navigated his way towards the kitchen and made himself at home, taking the liberty of brewing a pot of coffee. Lord knows he needed it to be human right now. If Jongdae minded any he didn’t say a word. Instead he just made his way into the kitchen and sat at the table, watching Kyungsoo do his thing. His progress had been slow, his pace hampered by the accident that had forced him to leave the unit. Suho had managed to save his life, but the grenade had shattered his leg. Only multiple surgeries and years of extensive physical therapy had given Jongdae the ability to get around with a cane.

When Kyungsoo had it all set up he pushed the button and waited for the coffee to brew. He turned to face his friend, watching as he absently rubbed his knee. Jongdae probably didn’t even realize he was doing it. The motion had become a therapeutic motion that Jongdae had taken to doing even if his knee wasn’t the part of him that was giving him pain in the moment. It was, however, the most common part of him that ached.

“Does it hurt?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongdae nodded. “Like a bitch.”

Kyungsoo was about to reply with some witty remark. Such was the nature of his and Jongdae’s friendship. But the sight of Jongdae’s cane leaning against his chair brought back the memory of seeing similar items in Seungsoo’s room. Kyungsoo had gotten rid of them, donating them to the hospital so that someone else could use them. Someone like Jongdae, he thought.

Kyungsoo had been there for Jongdae, had been the one to snap him out of his funk in the hospital. But he hadn’t been there for his own brother. Their situations shared so many similarities, and yet they had two completely different outcomes.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo wasn’t seeing Jongdae in the chair in front of him. He was seeing his brother. It was his brother in pain, it was his brother hurting. Kyungsoo had been there for his friend, but he’d failed his own brother. How could he have ever let that happen?

“Seungsoo,” he whispered out, falling to his knees in front of Jongdae. “I’m sorry.”

There in Jongdae’s kitchen, it all came crashing down. Every emotion he’d been running from, every fear that had come to pass, and every desperate plea that things would somehow still work themselves out. There in Jongdae’s lap, Kyungsoo broke down and started to cry. He cried for his brother, he cried for the pain that he had caused him and Chanyeol. And he cried for the mess he had made of his life.

 

  
The story came out easy enough. Jongdae may have left the unit, but he was still the man that Kyungsoo considered himself closest to among those that he’d served with. Going through multiple life and death situations together could do that to people.

He told him the real reason he had joined the army and then the unit, about how underneath his cool, reserved, and collected facade, he was nothing more than a coward who was running from his feelings. Feelings of inadequacy, feelings of love.

He told him of the mess that had become the lives of the people he’d professed to care the most about. The injustice and wrong done to his brother after the accident. The cruel hand of fate that stole Chanyeol’s family just as it had so easily stolen Kyungsoo’s.

And he told him about the baby, and how he’s practically destroyed the life of the one person who he’d ever really loved.

Hours later, drinking coffee that had had to be reheated after sitting for so long, Jongdae reached across the table and took Kyungsoo’s hands in his own. “Kyungsoo, you need to go back. You can still fix this.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I can’t fix this. My brother is dead, and Chanyeol… I ruined their lives Jongdae, I can’t go back.”

“Yes, you can,” Jongdae said, and Kyungsoo shook his head to refute him. Because how on earth could he ever go back. He’d made a stupid mistake and it had destroyed not only the man that he loved, but the only family that he’d had left. There was no atoning for that, not anymore.

“Sergeant D.O.,” Jongdae said, inflecting his tone with the harshness of a military command.

Perhaps it was the unexpectedness of it, or perhaps it was the fact that no one had called him that since just before Joonmyun had told him brother had passed away. But the name sounded foreign to him now. It was as if that wasn’t him anymore. D.O. had been the person that Kyungsoo had become to run away, to hide. But now, now that he’d gone back home, Kyungsoo didn’t know if he wanted to be that person anymore.

Jongdae looked at him with the stoic mask of a drill sergeant. “You’re going to go back, Sergeant, because you’re a good soldier. And a good soldier doesn’t leave a mission unfinished.”

“I don’t know if I can, Chen.”

Jongdae’s face melted into a kind smile. “Come with me,” he said.

He led Kyungsoo into a room that was an office/exercise room and pointed at a box sitting on the floor next to the desk. Kyungsoo gave him a curious look, but Jongdae just jerked his head and smiled. Kyungsoo walked over and knelt down. With one last look back at his friend, he opened the flaps. What he found inside forced out a gasp from his lips.

Letters upon letters all addressed to him. Each one written in the same striking handwriting.

“You didn’t leave a forwarding address after basic training, so it all just piled up in the mail room. After your brother’s lawyer managed to link you to me, they ended up forwarding the whole lot to me,” Jongdae told him. “I don’t know if you’ll find all the answers you need in there. But I think you can find a reason to go back home.”

And then Jongdae was gone, leaving Kyungsoo alone with five years of letters. They were bundled and organized by when they were sent. After some searching to find the earliest one, Kyungsoo sat down on the floor and read them all, from the first to the last.

The sight of Seungsoo’s handwriting made Kyungsoo miss him even more. And the words that he wrote only added to those feelings. He had tried to find him, had reached out to him because they were brothers and he loved him. He wrote to tell Kyungsoo to come back home. He admitted to the kiss, admitted to his feelings for Chanyeol. But he also wrote about how Chanyeol had told him no, because Chanyeol wasn’t in love with him but with Kyungsoo. He wrote about how Chanyeol thought it was their fight that had made Kyungsoo run away, how he was hurting because he thought he was at fault. There were letters about the accident. There were letters about the fire. There were letters about the mounting debts and desperation.

Kyungsoo read them all until he could barely see because of the tears that kept blurring his vision. The last letter was perhaps the most heartbreaking for Kyungsoo. It was written just a few days before his brother passed away.

_I should have known that there was something between you two. It’s so obvious now that I think about it. I don’t know how I ever missed it. I don’t know what I was thinking making a move on him. I know that you saw me that night. It’s the only reason you would have run away, because for some reason you think that I’m better than you. But I’m not. I just as human as you, Soo._

_I tried to move on from him, and I did. But after the accident, there wasn’t many opportunities for me to get out and meet new people. And Chanyeol’s an easy man to fall in love with. I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I make mistakes too._

_A few weeks ago, Chanyeol and I_

_We were both drunk, but if it’s anyone’s fault it should be mine. Don’t blame him. It shouldn’t have happened but it did, and now he’s beating himself up over it. He won’t admit it, but I know that part of the reason is that he’s still in love with you. But he’s giving up. I keep telling him not to lose hope, that you’re going to come back someday. But I have to admit, that even I’m beginning to lose hope._

_Please come back, Kyungsoo. Even if you’ve moved on and found a happy life somewhere else please come back. Even if you don’t miss me or need me anymore, I miss you and I need you. And Chanyeol does too._

It was signed the same way as every other letter was signed:

_Please come home. Your brother, Seungsoo._

Kyungsoo couldn’t believe it. While he was running away like a coward, Seungsoo was running after him as best as he could, in the only way that he knew how. This whole time, Seungsoo was waiting for him to come home. And now he wasn’t there anymore. Kyungsoo had no home to come back to.

Expect, maybe he did. Because Chanyeol was still there. He could still come home to Chanyeol. Kyungsoo couldn’t lie and say that he had moved on. The past week of living together had proved that wrong. Kyungsoo was still in love with Chanyeol, and hopefully the giant of a man was still in love with him. And maybe his brother was wrong and Chanyeol wasn’t still in love with him. But either way, Kyungsoo couldn’t move on without at least trying. He needed to go back.

In an instant, he was on his feet and rushing through Jongdae’s apartment. He nearly knocked Jongdae over when he came to see what was going on.

“Where are you going?” Jongdae asked him.

“Home,” Kyungsoo said. “I’m going home.”

 

  
Except home was empty. Chanyeol wasn’t there. The lights were all off despite the fading light of day, and it was too quiet. No one had answered him when Kyungsoo had called out his name, and no one was there when Kyungsoo rushed through the small house. He couldn’t believe it. Chanyeol had said he’d be here, he said he would wait for him. He couldn’t be gone.

Kyungsoo threw open the door to Chanyeol’s room. To his great relief, everything was still there. But a second glance around the room made him reassess those feelings. The room was neat, too neat. Chanyeol wasn’t a messy person, but the room looked like he was intending to leave and not come back for a long time. The way one made sure to clean everything so that they wouldn't come home from a vacation to messy house.

“No!” Kyungsoo shouted. He had to find Chanyeol.

He ran out of the house and into the street. He looked right and then left, Chanyeol could be anywhere in the mess of a bird’s nest that passed for streets in Goyang. Kyungsoo look back to his right. It was the easier of the two directions, less hills and more space for a pregnant man to walk in.

He took off running. He probably looked crazy to everyone who saw him. The ajusshis certainly gave him strange looks as he ran past them. But he didn’t care. He just needed to find him. He needed to find-

“Sehun!” he called out, seeing the boy playing with others his own age. He ran over to where they were playing football in the streets, two overturned trashcans serving as goals. Kyungsoo grabbed his shoulders with more force than necessary and got right into the young boy’s face. “Have you seen Chanyeol?”

Sehun, clearly shaken by Kyungsoo’s unexpected roughness, was thankfully still able to nod in answer. “Yes, Mister SooSoo.”

“Where is he?”

“He was sitting at the bus stop.” Sehun answered.

Kyungsoo’s blood ran cold. Goyang was so small of a town that there was only one bus stop in it, right across the general store. If he remembered correctly, and if it hadn't changed since he'd been gone, the bus would make a twenty-minute stop to let passengers on and off and go to the bathroom. He glanced down at his watch. The exact time depended on how busy the roads were, but it was usually around - right about now.

“Damn it,” he said. He took off running again, this time making a beeline straight for the center of town. He ran like he hadn’t run for a long time, probably not since he’d been in basic training. Chanyeol couldn't leave. Not now, not when Kyungsoo was done running himself.

But in the end, it wasn’t enough. He turned the corner just in time to see the doors pull shut and the bus begin to move forward. He reached for whatever reserves he had left within him. If he could just reach the bus, if he could pound on the side and get the diver’s attention. If he had any air in his lungs he would have shouted. But he didn’t, so his only hope was to reach the bus.

It was close. He got near enough that he was only a fingertip away from touching the back of the bus. But then the bus picked up speed and it was once again too far for him to reach. It pulled away and out of the town without a single indication that it had seen Kyungsoo running after it.

“No!” Kyungsoo yelled out. His legs gave out and he sank to his knees in the middle of the street, heedless of any cars that might come passing by. It was late enough that the likelihood of there being any wasn’t very high anyway. He pounded the ground with his fist, uncaring about any scratches and blood it might bring.

“Come back,” he said. “Please.” His own voice sounded pitiful to him. But he didn’t care. All that he cared about was that Chanyeol had left him. “You said you’d be here.”

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t even realize that he wasn’t alone. Not until a voice cut through the night air.

“Kyungsoo?”

He jerked his head up and spun around on his knees. There was Chanyeol, standing in the middle of the street. He wasn’t on the bus. He was right here, right in front of Kyungsoo. Almost afraid to believe it was true, Kyungsoo pushed himself onto his feet and slowly made his way to where Chanyeol stood in the light of the streetlamp.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Chanyeol asked him.

Crying? Was he crying? Is that why his cheeks were wet? Kyungsoo smiled despite them. “You’re here.”

“Well, yeah.” Chanyeol shrugged. “Where else would I be?”

“I don’t know, but Sehun said he saw you sitting at the bus stop.”

Chanyeol eyes him cautiously. “I put in extra hours today and I was tired. But I was just resting before going home.”

Home. The place that Kyungsoo was going to put on the market and sell. Suddenly that didn’t seem like such a good plan anymore. Finally standing right in front of Chanyeol, Kyungsoo brought his hands up to gently cradle the taller man’s face. The wariness in his eyes hurt Kyungsoo, he wanted to make it go away and replace it with the joy that Chanyeol had once had.

Because, “I love you, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol sucked in a breath and his eyes widened in surprise. “Kyungsoo, I…” he stated, but he didn’t say anything else.

Kyungsoo chuckled a bit. “I know, Chanyeol,” he said. “I know.”

He knew why Chanyeol was hesitating, why he wouldn’t say it back. It wasn’t going to be easy. They had a lot to talk about and work through. But Kyungsoo was going to make sure they made it through to the other side. Because if there was anything that Kyungsoo knew was true, it was that he was done running.

He took Chanyeol’s hand in his own and turned back down the street. “Let’s go home,” he said.

 

 

Kyungsoo handed the driver of the taxi the necessary amount before getting out of the backseat and hefting his duffle bag over his shoulder. He waved his greetings to the neighborhood ajusshis and passed by the dozen or so bikes parked on the street corner. His eyes immediately searched for his among the others and was glad to find it still standing on its own kickstand. He'd already replaced the thing twice because of Sehun.

Suddenly, as if summoned by Kyungsoo’s thoughts, the gate to his house swung open with a bang and said boy came flying out. “Mister Soo, I’m taking your bike. I’m going to be late for baseball practice.”

Sehun was mounted and pedaling the bike away before Kyungsoo even gave him his permission. But then again, Sehun hadn’t actually asked for it in the first place. “Don’t break my kickstand,” he called out to the rapidly disappearing figure.

“Yes, Mister Soo.” Sehun shouted as he turned the corner.

Kyungsoo doubted the boy had actually heard what he'd said and could only smile and shake his head. He turned and continued on to his house, carefully stopping at the threshold to untie his shoes instead of toeing them off like he was always harping Chanyeol about. He set his duffle down in the entryway and followed his nose to the kitchen where Chanyeol was busy cooking up dinner. Sure enough, he found him there. He was dressed comfortably in sweats, one foot scratching the top of the other. God help Kyungsoo, but he thought that Chanyeol looked perfect like that, barefoot and pregnant in the warm glow of the kitchen. How could Kyungsoo have ever dreamed of selling this house?

“What smells so good?” he asked as he walked further into the room.

The taller jumped up in surprise and whirled around. Apparently Chanyeol hadn’t heard him come in. “Kyungsoo! You startled me. When did you get home?”

“Same time as Sehun left.” Kyungsoo shook his head at the remains of Sehun’s after school snack still littering the kitchen table. “You need to stop feeding strays.”

“He’s hardly a stray,” Chanyeol laughed, his voice deep and rich. “And he needs to eat. He’s a growing boy.”

“We have our own one of those to feed,” Kyungsoo walked over and pulled Chanyeol into a warm, affectionate kiss. It was a little difficult with Chanyeol’s round stomach in the way, but Kyungsoo wouldn't have it any other way.

He placed a hand on Chanyeol's still growing belly. He'd only been gone a week, but he drank in the sight of a pregnant Chanyeol as if he'd been gone for months. He was rewarded by a few feather light kicks, right under his hand. “He’s moving,” the action never failed to amaze him.

“He’s been playing football for days now.”

“I'm sorry,” Kyungsoo said, even if he wasn't exactly his fault. The baby gave another kick, as if it was agreeing with him.

“Don't be,” Chanyeol said. “Yesterday he was throwing angry ones but these are happy kicks.” The half-communicated thought that the baby was happy because it could sense Kyungsoo was back was preposterous, but it lifted Kyungsoo’s heart nonetheless. Chanyeol turned back to the stove to turn down the heat. “Go wash up, dinner will be ready in a few.”

Kyungsoo did as he was told, making it quick because he had skipped lunch in order to get home faster. By the time he had changed out of his suit and washed his face and hands, extra voices could be heard from the kitchen. Kyungsoo hadn't known they were having company, but Jongdae had mentioned that he was thinking about swinging down for a visit just the other day so it wasn’t surprising to hear his cackling laughter filling the house.

Jongdae was seated at the kitchen table while Chanyeol finished setting the various side dishes into whatever open space he could find on the table. Jongdae’s cane was hanging from the edge of the table, balancing from its L-shaped handle. And on his lap, was little Seungsoo, happily recounting the events of his adventure with “Unko ‘Dae.”

The moment he sensed Kyungsoo’s presence, Seungsoo turned and leaped out of Jongdae’s lap to run towards him, arms open wide. “Daddy, you’re home!” he said, jumping into Kyungsoo’s waiting arms and hugging him in a fierce embrace.

It doesn’t happen a lot, but every so often Seungsoo will do something that will remind Kyungsoo of his brother. It’s in his face or in his mannerisms. He’ll do something and Kyungsoo can’t help but see a flash of the man who was his son’s biological father and his name sake.

This moment was one of those times. The smile his son was wearing was so much like his brother’s that Kyungsoo felt himself missing him. It may have taken him years longer than it should have, and cost him, Chanyeol and his brother a lot of heartache, but finally, even it wasn’t to the original Seungsoo, Kyungsoo could stand there and tell him.

“Yes, Seungsoo,” he said. “I’m home”


End file.
